Good morning. Today we come to a topic that I would guess has bounced around the walls of every single home in the world at some point or another. As we continue to look at developing our Desperate Households into Godly Households, today we will look at Desperate Battles. Everyone can probably agree that one of the biggest problems that many homes face is managing the conflicts that arise in the family. Well today we are going to look at our desperate battles, and try and diffuse some of the fighting.
Before we do that though, let’s begin our time with a word of prayer.
To begin today, I want to take a look at 3 facts about conflict. First, Conflict Is Normal.
Everyone has conflict in life. There is always going to be trouble in the world, and therefore we are always going to face battles of some kind. Look at Jesus, even He had conflict with religious leaders, and rulers, and even with the devil himself. So everyone goes through conflicts.
Go ahead and turn with me to Romans 3:23. Here in this passage we find that conflict is nothing new, in fact, it is common to everyone. Romans 3:23 tells us, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Now, everyone who sins, is having a conflict with God. So conflict is a normal part of life. What matters, is how you deal with that conflict.
The second fact about conflict is that Conflict Is An Opportunity For Growth.
When you face conflict in life, you need to make sure that you use that as a growing opportunity. What can you learn from that conflict to help you in the future? Turn with me to Romans 5:3-5. Here in this passage it is talking about growing in the midst of our battles. Here in Romans 5:3-5 it says, “1”
Here is an interesting story that I found in Our Daily Bread. Here is what it had to say: “Bristlecone pines are the world’s oldest living trees. Several are estimated to be 3,000 to 4,000 years old. In 1957, scientist Edmund Schulman found one he named “Methuselah.” This ancient, gnarled pine tree is nearly 5,000 years old! It was an old tree even when the Egyptians were building the pyramids.
Bristlecone trees grow atop the mountains of the western United States at elevations of 10,000 to 11,000 feet. They’ve been able to survive some of the harshest living conditions on earth; arctic temperatures, fierce winds, thin air, and little rainfall. Their brutal environment is actually one of the reasons they’ve survived for millennia. Hardship has produced extraordinary strength and staying power.
Paul taught that “tribulation produces character” in Romans 5:3-5. adversity is part of the process that God uses to produce good results in our lives. Trouble, if I turn us to the Lord, could actually be the best thing for us in life. It leaves us wholly dependent on Him. God uses our difficulties to develop our character.”
So, we see that when we face battles in the home, or anywhere in life, that they can be growing opportunities. If we turn to God, and we allow Him to solve our problems, we can truly grow from our battles.
And the third fact about conflict is that Conflict Must Be Diffused Or It Will Destroy.
Sometimes the string just gets so tight, that if something isn’t done, it just snaps. For example, a guitar string can snap if it is too tight. Look at a balloon. It seems fine, it can take a little more, then all of a sudden, boom! Or what about a volcano. Beneath surface there is fire, and when things get too stressful, and the pressure rises, it then boils over!
You see, these are stressful times in which we live. And almost everyday you hear about another home where the string has snapped. For example: did you know that an act of domestic violence is committed every 15 seconds in America? Scary, isn’t it? In 1/4th of all marriages, violence occurs at least occasionally. Why does violence occur? They occur because of the battles not being solved in a Godly way. Desperate battles result in desperate actions, but Godly battles, have Godly outcomes.
Like a blender, it all depends on what you put in and how long you agitate it. So unless the conflict is diffused, it will destroy the home.
So, now that we know some facts about conflict, what can we do to solve the problems that we face? In the time remaining this morning, let me give you 7 ways to diffuse conflict in your home. And to do that, we will look at the word “DIFFUSE.”
First is the letter “D.” “D” stands for Define The Problem.
In Proverbs 15:14 it says, “The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.” In other words, try and figure out what the problem really is. You see, a problem is something that we can do something about. But a fact of life, we can do nothing about.
Before you try and solve the problems that you are facing, you need to first define what the problem really is. A lot of times, when you are in a conflict with someone, you may be arguing about one thing, but the real problem could be something totally different. We will talk about that more in just a moment. So first, define the problem.
The next letter is “I.” “I” stands for Initiate A Time To Talk.
Turn with me to Matthew 5:23-24. Here in this passage it is talking about sins. Here’s what it has to say. Matthew 5:23-24 says, “2”
Let me explain. When there is a problem between you and someone else, there begins to be a barrier in communication. What Matthew is saying here is that when you are having a conflict with someone, you need to sit down and talk about the situation.
When there is an argument, people are prone to scream, yell, cry, be completely silent, scheme against the other person, and probably many other responses, it’s just that those are the ones that I have seen in the past 4 weeks. Just kidding. But at the time of the argument or the conflict, it is hard at times to talk things over. Sometimes what is needed is a little bit of a break, to think about things, and then come back together and discuss what the problem is.
But let me share one other passage as we are on this topic of talking about things. In Ephesians 4:26 it says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” You see, another problem that arises is that the conflicts never get solved, and everyone goes to bed angry with one another. That is not a healthy thing form the home to have to experience. So I would encourage you, after you have defined the problem, to initiate a time to talk things over.
The next letter is the letter “F.” “F” stands for First Understand Before Seeking To Be Understood.
I think that a lot of conflict could be avoided if we would start trying to understand the situation, instead of trying to make everyone else understand us. And understanding before seeking to be understood has to do with your attitude. Turn with me to Philippians 2:3-5. Here in this passage we are encouraged to have an attitude like that of Christ. In Philippians 2:3-5 it says, “3”
It is important to look out for the interests of others as well as your own. And one way of doing that is to try and understand the situation before demanding to be understood. Turn also with me to Proverbs 18:13. Here in Proverbs 18:13 it says, “He who answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame.”
Listen to what the other people have to say before you try and make them understand what you see as the problem. That verse is telling us that he who answers before listening, that is his real problem. So, we need to learn to understand before seeking to be understood.
Next is the letter “F.” The second letter “F” stands for Fill Their Shoes.
Now this in a way can be connected to the last suggestion, but it is important to know how the other person is feeling. Put yourself in their place to help you to understand the situation. When trying to handle conflict, it is vitally important to see the other side of the story.
You always want the other person to see it from your point of view, so do the same for them. Try and put yourself in their shoes for a moment and understand the conflict from their side of the spectrum.
Next is the letter “U.” “U” stands for Uncover The Root Problem.
Now in the first step, I said you need to define the problem, and I mention that we would be getting back to that issue; well here we are. Sometimes things are not always as they seem. In fact, when we began this series, I told you that what you see here on Sundays, could be the exact opposite of what you would see in the home during the week.
Well, it is the same when it comes to conflict. What seems to be the problem on the surface, may not be the problem that is deep down inside. When trying to solve conflict, you need to uncover the root of the problem. I mean think about it, it makes perfect scenes. When you are trying to kill the weeds in your garden, you don’t just cut off what you see, you take care of the problem at the root.
When you are facing problems in the home, you need to dig deep and find the root of the problem, and address that issue. in Proverbs 20:5 it says, “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.” When we face problems in the home, there is usually a deeper source of problem that just what you see on the surface. But a wise person will dig deep and draw those problems out and deal with them. So, we need to make sure that when we are trying to solve the conflict in our homes that we are uncovering the root problems. Find the real source of the conflict, and take care of it.
Next, we come to the letter “S.” “S” stands for Set Things Right Between You.
What I mean by that, is that you have to set free the stubbornness and the pride that is within you. Now this can possible be the hardest step of all. It is hard to admit that you are wrong, or that now you understand the problem better. In Romans 12:17-18 it says something interesting about conflict. Here in Romans 12:17-18 it says, “4”
In order to live at peace with everyone as far as it depends on you, you need to be able to set things right yourself. That means own your responsibility. When you realize that the blame falls on you, take responsibility for your actions and move on. Don’t try and rationalize or justify your actions take responsibility.
That also means you need to clear the air as soon as possible. Confess that you were wrong, ask for forgiveness. Truly take care of the problem as soon as you can. Otherwise, the conflict will grow bigger and bigger until it explodes and destroys everything in its path. So, set things right between you, and take responsibility for your actions.
And finally, the letter “E.” “E” stands for Establish A Christ Centered Plan Of Action!
Turn with me to I Corinthians 13:4-8. Here in this passage it is talking about what love is. In I Corinthians 13:4-8 it says, “5”
In order to establish a Christ centered plan of action, there must be love involved, and love does all of those things. Love unites as one, love brings order into the confusion of fights and arguments. Love never fails!
The Bible says that God is not the author of confusion, so if your home is characterized by confusion, understand that God is not in that! Conflict and other problems result when there’s confusion, when we’re not on the same page, when the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing…the result isn’t unity and harmony, it’s division, conflict, tension, stress, and a whole lot of problems!
Even as Christians, and even when we follow these steps that we have looked at this morning, Problems WILL arise on a daily basis. Remember, that’s normal, but wisdom begs us to start attacking the problems, together, in unity, and stop attacking each other.
In closing, listen to Matthew 7:24-27. Here is what it has to say: “6”
You see, you can build your home on 1 of 2 foundations: rock or sand. The difference is whether or not you put Christ first in your life, in your marriage, and in your home. That is what building on The Rock is all about. And when the winds of adversity blow, and the waves of conflict and battles roll in, your house will be able to weather the storm.
That is the only way to truly DIFFUSE conflict in your home.
Let’s Pray |
