Good morning.  Well, last Sunday night millions of people made New Year’s Resolutions, and already today, some have probably given up on them.  In fact, most people only keep their # 1 resolution until the end of February, and then it is over.  Well, tonight we are going to start a new series that takes a look at Getting A Grip on your daily life.  It is a 6 week series that takes a look at some of the things that you may have made a New Year’s Resolution about.  It looks at getting a grip on your life, your schedule, your body, your finances, your spiritual life, and your relationships.

Probably any resolution that you made this year, can be categorized as one of the above.  So starting tonight at 6:00 we are going to begin a discussion series on those topics, and so I would encourage you to come out this evening and share in that time with us.

But as we begin a new year, we can have a new beginning in our homes as well.  In the next 4 weeks we are going to take a look at our Desperate Households.  And though it sounds like it, this series is not about the TV show Desperate Housewives.  Though some of the things we discuss could help them as well.

I’m sure that if we are all honest with ourselves, we can see areas in our home life that seem pretty desperate, and could use a little bit of help.  So as we enter the New Year, let’s focus our attention on Sunday mornings on making our Desperate Households Godly Households for the year to come.

Before we take a look at our first topic in this series, let’s open our time with a word of prayer.

Well, today we are going to begin by taking a look at Desperate Marriages.  Things are not always as they seem.  In fact, what you see here on Sunday’s, could be the exact opposite of what you would see in the homes of people.  If you are here today, and you are simply putting on a front, then you know what I am talking about.

But the truth of life is that problems do arise in marriage, it is how you deal with those problems that will determine if you are living in a desperate marriage or not.  If you have a pulse, then you are going to have problems.  And if you have a spouse that has a pulse, then you are going to have double problems.

So, as we look at marital life, we can see that there are seasons to it.  You can go from being infatuated with your spouse to being infuriated with him or her in the course of the seasons of your marital life.

Here is a statistic for you.  In the 1990’s, there were 2.4 million marriages in the U.S.  However, in that same span of years, there were 1.2 million divorces.  So, the seasons of marital life do change, and how you react and handle them will determine how well your marriage will last.

Now, at this time, I want to take a look at the seasons of marital life.  First is the Romance Stage.  Turn with me to the Song Of Songs, or the Song Of Solomon as it may be in some of your Bible’s.  Here in chapter 4:1-7 we read the words of a true lover.  Here in Song of Songs 4:1-7 it says, “1”

For this lover, everything about his love was ideal.  To him she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  Because of her being in a veil, we know that the bride has now come to the groom.  He then goes on to give the details of her beautiful body.  Now, at this point it is important to tell you that those type of compliments do not work today.  When you tell your spouse that they have teeth like a flock of sheep, and a neck like a tower, you are probably going to have some major problems.

Here in this passage, the groom is describing his spouse with metaphors.  And what he sees is perfection, there is no flaw in her.  So, all of these metaphors would have been like poetry to her ears in that ancient world.  And that is how most marriages start our.  There is a true sense of romance and beauty that leads to that marriage, and remains until the next season of marital life.

But then comes the second season.  The second season of marital life is Reality.  In the reality stage, everything turns into an ordeal.  Arguments turn into cold war.  Turn with me to Proverbs 27:15-16.  Here in Proverbs 27:15-16 it says, “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.”

Now here is something interesting to think about.  The author that just a moment ago was talking about his wife being so beautiful, and the romance that was there, well, this is the same guy.  Here he is talking about reality.  Now ladies, I am not saying that it is only your fault, it goes both ways, but I think that you get the idea.

When reality sinks in, there begin to be problems, and you continue on the path through the seasons of marital life.

It becomes the same old same old, and reality sinks in and steals away the romance that was once there.  What causes this is a lack of an intimate relationship with God, with your mate, and with yourself.  And all of that, leads to the next season of marital life.

The third season is Regret.  When reality sinks in and problems begin to arise, some people will face a time of regret.  “Did we make the right decision?”  “What if I had waited a little longer?”  And when the “What if’s” begin to creep into your marriage, the regret is definitely there.

With regret in the picture though, you have 3 choices of dealing with it.  You can either bail out, settle, or build.  In the 1990’s 1.2 million people decided to bail out.  Get a divorce and go separate ways.  Now I am not saying that it is always the wrong thing to do, but it is a way that God does not like too much.  Every day people go through the process of divorce, and bail out of the marriage that once was based on romance and love.

Others, decide to settle.  At times this can be good, but most of the time it is only delaying or substituting the bail out.  There is still an emotional and physical bail out involved.  You settle and decide that you are going to stay together even though you are not happy, and nothing is done.  Many people each year decide to do that because they have kids, or they can’t afford the separation, or they have an image that they must keep.

But that third option is the best of all.  People who are facing the reality of marital life, when the problems do arise, need to build on the relationship that they have.  We all know, that with God all things are possible.  When a marriage hits the rocks, the couple needs to build an intimate relationship with God, with one another, and with themselves in order to keep the marriage intact.

And by building that marriage relationship, you then enter into the final season of the marital life, Renewal.  At some point in time, every marriage relationship needs to be renewed.  It is not a bad thing to renew your marriage; it is bad however, to avoid renewal when it is necessary.  Turn with me to Jeremiah 29:11-13.  Here in this passage it gives us great advice to renewing our marriage relationships and our relationships with God as well.  Here in Jeremiah 29:11-13 it says, “2”

You see, if we seek God with all our heart, He will be there for us.  And if we seek to restore our marriage relationships, and we seek Him with all our hearts, they can be fixed.  However, we are given a great thought and a great question in John 5:6.  Here in this passage it is talking about an encounter that Jesus had with a guy that was an invalid for many years.  Here in John 5:6 it says, “When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, He asked him, “Do you want to get well?””

Do you want to get well?  That is a powerful question.  If you want to get well, and you seek God in your marriage with all of your heart, He will be there to help you.  Now, if you were at the Wedding, then what I am about to say, you have already heard.  In Nellie and my wedding, the minister told us that here are 11 very important words to say when building or renewing a marriage.  “I’m Sorry,” “I Was Wrong,” “Please Forgive Me,” and “I Love You.”

Now those simply phrases may be hard to say at times, but they will go a long way in renewing and repairing the hurt and the pain that may be present in a marriage.  Now, we have looked at the seasons of marital life, now I want to take a look at 4 steps for overcoming marital strife.  At some point in every marriage, problems are going to arise, and how you deal with them is what really matters.  So here are 4 things to keep in mind.

First, Build On The Basics.  Turn with me to Genesis 2:24-25.  Here in this passage is the basis for marriage.  Here in Genesis 2:24-25 it says, “3”

Well, while we are building on the basics, let’s look at a few things.  First, marriage was designed as a monogamous relationship.  That means 1 man, and 1 woman.  Now after a couple of weeks of marriage, I don’t think that I will have to deal with that issue, because 1 of Nellie is more than I can put up with at times, so why would I want more than one.

Second is fidelity.  Now that simply means to remain faithful, or loyal to your spouse.  In Hebrews 13:4 it says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral.”  When a man and a woman enter into a marriage relationship, they need to remain faithful to one another.

And thirdly, is longevity.  It is important to stay glued together for the long haul, until death due you part.  The way to have longevity in your marriage is to remain intimate   physically, emotionally, spiritually, and recreationally by doing things together.

So, the first thing to do in overcoming marital problems is to build on the basics.  Second, we need to Murder The Myths.  Everyone knows of some of the myths as to why we have problems or why we cannot solve our problems within our marriages.  Here are a few of the myths that need to be destroyed.

One, you think that you can change your mate.  That would be nice, but it is impossible to change your spouse.  You need to work at being accepting of them for who they are.  Two, we are too different.  How many of you have heard that as an excuse to the problems that people face.  Yes you are different, but you knew that in the begging, and at one point in your marriage, that difference is what attracted you to them possibly.  People are different, and that is why it is important to compromise and meet in the middle on different issues.

Three, nothing can save this marriage.  That is defiantly a myth, because we already discussed that with God for us, anything is possible.  If you look to God, then your marriage has a great chance of being renewed to what it once was.  So, to overcome marital problems we need to build on the basics, murder the myths, and thirdly we need to Learn The Love Languages.

Many of you have probably heard of the book, “The Five Love Languages.”  It is a book that focuses on how people long to be loved.  Some need encouraging words.  If your spouse needs to be encouraged or affirmed, then you need to learn how to love them in the way that they need.  Some people need to be loved through time.  For some of your spouses, all they want is to spend some quality time with you.  Some people need to receive gifts to feel loved.  Maybe your spouse needs to be given little things now and then to let them know that you love them.

Other people are loved through acts of service.  For them, all it takes is a little bit of service, helping them out whatever the case may be.  When you serve them, they truly feel loved.  And then finally, other need to be loved through touch.  Perhaps it is as simple as holding hands or scratching a back.  The physical touch of a loved one lets them know that they are loved too.

As you try to avoid and overcome the problems in marital life, it is important to know what love language works best for your spouse, and then work to love them in that way.  None of those are wrong, and none of them are the best love language.

Because everyone is different, everyone has different needs and desires of how they are loved.  You need to find what shows your spouse the love they desire and then love them in that way.

So, when we are facing problems in marriage, we need to build on the basics, murder the myths, learn the love languages, and finally we need to Center On Christ.  Turn with me to Psalm 127:1.  Here in this passage we are told that the Lord needs to be the focus or the center of our lives.  Here in Psalm 127:1 it says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.”

When you put God at the center of your life and your marriage things are going to happen for the good.  There will still be problems in life from time to time, but with God building the home; it will all work out for the good.

As you face problems in your marriages, may we all renew our marriages and focus on the basics, murder the myths, learn the love languages, and center our marriages on Christ.  “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.”

So, keep in mind that you are going to go through trials in your marriage; there will be different seasons that you will have to face.  How you react and deal with those issues will determine if you have a Desperate Household, or a Godly Household.

Let’s Pray