Good morning. Today, as Valentine’s Day approaches, I wanted to talk about love in some way. Recently a move came out on DVD called Fireproof. The movie was about how to protect, or fireproof you marriage. In fact, I have already ordered the DVD, and I am planning on having a viewing of the movie here at church some time at the end of the month, so keep that in mind.
But anyway, with that in mind, I wanted to take today and look at ways to strengthen our relationships.
Valentine’s Day! Every February 14th we celebrate this day of Love. It is a day for remembering one’s vows of love to one another. It’s also a day for those who are desperate to try to win the affection of another male or female by enticing them with fattening gifts.
I asked Nellie the other day, what she wanted for Valentine’s Day. And, like most women, she told me, “Ah, nothing.” So, I guess that on Saturday I’ll find out if she was telling the truth or not!
Well, Saturday is Valentine’s Day, and many couples will take the first step of marriage. Or, they will begin or continue a relationship that they desire to be in.
Now, unlike years gone by, few if any will leave their wedding with a shower of rice. By the mid-1990s, it was common knowledge that the uncooked rice would kill unsuspecting birds. The rice would swell in their stomachs, cause them to burst, and cause a tragic death. So, the tradition of rice, superstitiously believed to foster fertility, was abandoned and alternatives like ringing bells, throwing birdseed or confetti, releasing balloons into the air, and blowing bubbles into the air have been established.
Ironically, there is no truth to the idea that rice is a threat to the birds. Miyoko Chu, a Cornell University professor has done studies and has stated that there are no documented cases of birds dying as a result of eating rice. She says, “In fact, house sparrows, red-winged blackbirds, and bobolinks eat it all the time in the wild.”
But, when you think about it, weddings and marriage are surrounded by so many myths. If a whole country can be mislead by misinformation about rice, then how many more people are being confounded by the idea that when they get married, they will live happily ever after. Once a couple gets married, there is no arguing or fighting because, let’s face it, they are madly in love, and they will have the perfect marriage.
Those of us who are married can vouch for this perfect bliss, can’t we? Or maybe not. Many of you are already thinking, “Only in your dreams!”
Sarah thought she had the perfect fiancé. As she was getting to know Adam and his family, she was very impressed by how much his parents loved each other.
“They’re so thoughtful,” Sarah said. “Why, your dad even brings your mom a cup of hot coffee in bed every morning.”
After a time, Sarah and Adam were engaged, and finally they were married. On the way from the wedding to the reception, Sarah again remarked on Adam’s loving parents and his mom’s morning coffee in bed. “Tell me,” she asked, “does it run in the family?” “It sure does,” replied Adam. “But you should know this one thing… I take after my mom.”
Well, when the honeymoon is over, and weeks give way to months which give way to years, the love that once burned like a wildfire has more times than not become a weak flame. So here is the question, “What has happened? Where has the love gone?” Many couples wish they could make the fire hotter, to make it like it once was.
We all have these Valentine dreams.
A woman woke up and told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think that dream means?” “You’ll know by tonight.” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled, “The Meaning of Dreams.”
And sadly, just like that ladies dreams, today’s dreams of a better relationship are becoming more like nightmares than ever before, and it is not getting any better.
George Barna, in research has reported in December, “Boomers are virtually certain to become the first generation for which the majority experience divorce.”
But, knowing that, what can be done to make our Valentine dreams come true? What can we do to rekindle the flame in our marriages and relationships as they once were?
Well, like the rest of life’s questions, I believe that the Bible provides the best answer. Scripture is full of rich insights of rekindling the Valentine dream, and there is perhaps none better in the whole Bible than that found in the 2nd chapter of Philippians.
Now, let me state this fact, Paul wrote this letter to the congregation at Philippi, who he knew were struggling in the area of unity as a body of believers. There was friction and bickering between several in the church. In the 2nd chapter, Paul gives sound advice that will heal any disunity found in the midst of a congregation.
And as we take a look at physical relationships today, I also believe that this is excellent advice for couples who need help finding their Valentine dreams. So, this morning, let’s take a look at these wise principles that Paul shares with this church, and see what we can gain for couples that are desiring to rekindle their love for one another.
Principle # 1: Encourage One Another
Philippians 2:1 says, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ,” Now, let’s stop right there for now.
Here is a question for all of us. When was the last time you praised your mate with encouraging words?
Someone once said, “Man doesn’t live by bread alone. He also needs some buttering up.”
George M. Adams has remarked, “There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them have come through encouragement from someone else. I don’t care how great, how famous, or how successful a man or woman may be, each hungers for applause.”
Stephen Glenn understands the power of encouragement. He is always looking for ways to praise another. Stephen was at his grandson’s tee-ball game awhile back. A little boy came up to the plate. He swatted the ball off the tee and ran as fast as he could to 3rd base. The coach went up to the little boy and said, “Boy, you sure hit that ball a long way.” The little boy responded, “I did?” “Yeah, and you ran really fast to 3rd base and surprised the heck out of everybody!” “I did?” he asked.
“Yes, you did, but I have one question to ask you before you come to the dugout to watch the rest of the inning,” the coach said to the boy.
“When you made the decision to run to 3rd base instead of 1st, what were you thinking of?” The boy replied, “Well, everybody that was running to 1st was getting put out, so I ran here instead.”
The coach took the boy to the dugout to talk to him. “Last time you made the choice of running to 3rd base instead of 1st, surprised everybody, and made it, but you didn’t get a chance to score. Now you’ve got the same choice again. You can choose to run to 3rd and probably make it okay but you won’t get to score, or you can take the risk of running to 1st base. You may get put out, but if you make it you get a chance to score. But, whatever you decide, I want you to know we’re right here behind you.”
You know what, we all need praise every now and then. We all need to know that somebody is behind us if we fail. So, do you encourage your mate? Do you praise him or her in the small things? After all, he or she is a special gift from God to be praised and encouraged in every endeavor?
It was once said, “Blame dulls me, but praise gives me courage.” Those are the words of that great writer of children’s literature, Hans Christian Andersen. Someone has said that next to the New Testament, no books ever written have done more to teach love on earth than those of Hans Christian Andersen.
Andersen’s childhood was not a happy one, though. He was born into poverty. His grandfather died insane.
Andersen wanted to be an actor but people told him that he was too ugly. He tried his hand at writing as a young man. His teachers, though, seeing what he was doing, would say, “What rot are you slinging together now.” There wasn’t much praise for young Andersen, but as he writes in his diary, it was the little praise he got that
kept him going.
And you know what, it’s the little bit of praise that you give to the people around you, your husband or wife, your boyfriend or girlfriend, and even the other people that you come in contact with on a day to day basis, it’s that praise that you give to them that makes the day sunnier in their souls.
So, encourage your mate, and watch as your Valentine dream flickers more brightly.
But, not only are we to encourage one another, but notice the second way we can rekindle the Valentine dream:
Principle # 2: Comfort One Another
Philippians 2:1 continues to say, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love…” And let’s stop right there for a moment.
A magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his 2 kids into armchairs. He started to panic and thought to himself, “What on earth have I done?”
He began to ponder, “How am I going to bring back my beloved family?” So, he thought for a while, and finally decided a good idea was to take them to a hospital and see if the surgeon could operate and bring them back. He loaded them into his van and off he rushed to the local hospital. He walked up and down the hospital hall and after some serious surgery, he asks the doctor, “Doc, how are they?” The doctor replied, “Comfortable!”
So, here is our question. How much comfort do you give to your spouse, your boyfriend or girlfriend, and those around you?
In one man’s autobiography, he writes the following. “One of the most amazing stories is not a story I’ve read, but that I’ve seen. For going on 2 years, I’ve watched Lin Brown bring comfort to his wife, Mary who is fighting for her life with cancer. Lin’s life is incredibly difficult. 6 days a week, he drives a truck, 10-12 hours a day. After work, he drives home from East St. Louis to Grantfork, showers, and then heads to St. John’s Hospital, in St. Louis, some 60 miles away, to be with his wife Mary.
She has recently been given a private room and he can stay in the room with her. But, previously, he would sleep overnight in the waiting room or sometimes even in his truck in the parking lot. And then, 6:30 the next morning, he’s off for another day of work.”
Now, the comfort of love that Lin gives to his wife Mary is something that can make our Valentine dreams come true. We need to learn how to bring comfort to those who are most special to us in life.
Marry Ann Evans, better know by her pen name George Eliot, a British novelist of the 19th century knew the meaning of comfort. At the age of 17, after the death of her mother and the marriage of her older sister, she was called home to care for her father. She learned quickly the true meaning of comfort. Listen to her words. “Oh, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.”
You see, comfort draws 2 people together like nothing else can. It would be amazing if we could all learn the power of comfort in our Valentine dreams.
But, seeing your Valentine dreams come true doesn’t end there. Once you have been encouraging to one another, and then you have been able to comfort one another, there is a third thing that we learn from verse 1:
Principle # 3: Spend Time With One Another
Philippians 2:1 goes on to tell us, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit…”
Now, everyone here knows how to fellowship. But, there is one thing that you have to have in order to fellowship, and that is TIME!
Spending time together is so important for any relationship, and especially for marriage and dating relationships.
A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof and picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife were sleeping. By some miracle, the tornado set them down, unharmed, the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. “Don’t be scared, Mary,” her husband said. “We’re not hurt.” But Mary just continued to cry. “I’m not scared,” she said between sobs. “I’m happy... this is the first time we’ve been out together in 14 years.”
Listen to someone else’ insight when it comes to spending time together. “You’ve heard the saying, “It’s not the quantity, but the quality of time that really counts.” Simply defined, the statement means that one can make up for having minimal moments with his family by making certain that the time he does have is quality time. Now, on the surface, this concept seems to make a lot of sense. It is possible to spend much time with one’s family that is seemingly meaningless. All of us experience times when we are at home physically but our minds are wandering miles away. I can remember days with the family that could have been “scratched” in terms of “quality.””
He goes on to say, “So what is the “quality time” myth? It’s as phony as the fake diamond in a one-dollar ring. The fact is, there is no quality without quantity.”
You know what, too many parents live with the regrets of abandoned moments. It takes time to be silly, to share a secret, to heal a hurt, to kiss away a tear. Moments of uninhibited communication between child and parent cannot be planned; they just happen. The only ingredient we bring to that dynamic of family life is our availability, and that is spelled T-I-M-E.
And that is also important with couples as well. In order for a relationship to work, couples must find time in their busy schedules, time to get away from the kids and just spend time together. Maybe it means once a week they have a date night. Maybe its just once a month. The important thing is that in some way, you spend time together on a regular basis. Without time together, that Valentine dream will not flourish.
So, we have encouragement, comfort, and time, now we add one more element:
Principle # 4: Be Tender To One Another
Philippians 2:1 again says, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness …”
Tenderness… What is tenderness? This word literally refers to our insides. The Jews saw our inner parts as the source of the more tender affections, like kindness. Being kind to one another is so important in a relationship.
I understand that there is now a “Husband Shopping Center” where a woman can go and choose from among many men, her future husband. It is laid out in 5 floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascend up the floors. The only rule is, once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you go up a floor, you can’t go back down except to leave the building.
So, a couple of girlfriends went to this Shopping Center to find them a man. On the first floor, the door had a sign saying, “These men have jobs and love kids.” The women read the sign and said, “Well that’s better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up they go.
The second floor says, “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking!” “Hmmm,” the ladies say to one another. “But, I wonder what’s further up?”
Third floor… “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework!” “Wow!” say the women. “Very tempting, BUT, there’s more further up!” And up they go.
Fourth floor… “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic side to them.” “Mercy me.” think the ladies. “But just think! What must be waiting for us further on!”
So, up to the fifth floor they go. The sign on that door reads, “This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please.”
You know what, no marriage has ever been perfect except for one. Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve had the world’s only perfect marriage. She couldn’t talk about the man she might have married, and he couldn’t complain that his mother was a better cook.
But, most relationships would be a lot better if both people involved would begin to mix in a little bit of kindness toward one another. As the Greek dramatist, Sophocles, once remarked, “Kindness will always attract kindness.” You see, being kind to your spouse might be difficult to do at times, especially in the middle of an argument, but the more kindness you give, the more likely you are to have your Valentine dream come true.
So, we have to encourage one another. We have to give comfort to each other. We need to spend time together. And we need to be tender and kind to the one we love. But that’s not all. This passage gives us one more thing that we can do to cause our Valentine dreams to come true:
Principle # 5: Be Compassionate To One Another
Let’s take a look at that passage another time. Philippians 2:1 says, “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion…”
Compassion conveys the idea of showing pity and mercy on the individual. Few would think of a baby demonstrating compassion, but that’s exactly what happened to one lady. The young single mother was having a horrible day as everything seemed to go wrong. She didn’t feel well, the washing machine broke, and an unexpected bill arrived in the mail. After tearfully lifting her one-year-old into his highchair, she leaned against the tray and began crying. Without saying a word, her son took his pacifier out of his mouth and stuck it into her mouth.
Now, I think that we can all agree that there are times when we all need to be babied, when we all need to be shown compassion. Valentine dreams come alive when we begin showing pity and mercy to our mates.
Now, as we begin to wrap things up, and we think about our Valentine dreams, isn’t that what it’s all about? Giving encouragement, comfort, fellowship, kindness, and compassion to each other in order to invigorate our Valentine dreams.
In closing, Paul says one last important thing. One last time, Philippians 2:1-5 this time says, “1”
To complete the Valentine dream, couples are urged to be like-minded. Paul exhorts the Philippian congregation to complete his joy. He says, “Make me glad when I hear of how much unity you have with one another.”
And you know what, I believe that’s good advice for every successful relationship and marriage. The question we need to ask ourselves is this, “Is my behavior right now the kind of behavior that would put a smile on the face of God?”
Being “like-minded” doesn’t mean couples have identical personalities or thoughts. We become like-minded when Christian couples have the same values and loves, being one in spirit and in purpose. It speaks of unity as going in the same direction.
Two businessmen had a significant encounter in an airport baggage claim area. One was a family man and the other was unmarried. The single traveler watched with great curiosity as the family man was engulfed with hugs and kisses by his wife and children. They embraced and smiled as though the man had been gone for weeks.
The skilled salesman was taken back by their abundance of affection so he asked the
family if they had been separated for a long time. The man affirmed he had indeed been away on business for 2 whole days. In amazement at such a strong knit family, the fast-track single businessman stated, “I sure hope I can have a family like that some day.” To which the other man turned from his family and replied, “Don’t hope, my friend. Decide!”
Each day, you decide on whether to enrich your relationships, or to tear them down. Valentine dreams can come true. But it’s really up to you!
Let’s Pray!
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