Good morning. Today I want to touch on a topic that is mentioned in Luke 16:18, even though Luke’s gospel doesn’t devote much time to this topic. We’re going to look at what happens when divorce destroys a marriage. Now I know that a lot of people here this morning have dealt with divorce either first hand or with someone in your family. I am no different. I have had family members get divorced, and currently have one that is beginning the legal process on divorce. So as we approach this issue, we do it in a Biblical way as well as in a loving way. So please don’t tune out yet.
So go ahead and open your Bibles with me, and let’s turn to Luke chapter 16, verse 18. Here in Luke 16:18 it says “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Let’s start by putting this verse back in its context. If we look, we’ll see that Jesus was speaking to the Pharisees about their disrespect for God’s law. In this case, they were doing so by not respecting God’s teaching on marriage and divorce.
For the Pharisees the whole debate about divorce comes from Moses’ statement in Deuteronomy 24:1 where it says, “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house.”
The 2 opposing views on this passage came from 2 different rabbis: Rabbi Hillel and Rabbi Shammai. Rabbi Hillel said a man could give his wife a "certificate of divorce" if she “displeased” him. Now this could be for burning the food or nagging too much. Another rabbi taught that a man had grounds for divorce if he “found a woman fairer than she.” Rabbi Shammai however, believed that a man could divorce his wife only if she had been unfaithful to him; that "something indecent" referred to adultery in his eyes.
Now if you’ve studied this before, you probably remember that Jesus, as recorded in the gospel of Matthew, twice taught in agreement with Rabbi Shammai, teaching that adultery is the only grounds for a divorce.
However, I feel that we’ve spent way too much time looking at that exception to the rule. Let’s go to the book of Malachi this morning and see what God thinks of divorce. In Malachi 2:13-16 we get a good look into God’s heart as He discusses divorce. Here in Malachi 2:13-16 it says, “1”
I want you to take this one thing away from today. God hates divorce. And as children of God, as imitators of Christ, we should hate it as much as he does. Now don’t tune out yet, there is hope and reassurance still to come. But the fact is that God hates divorce.
Society has given us this unreal version of divorce, and it is not looked at as a serious issue. Las Vegas is know for it’s wedding chapels. Well there are new things in Las Vegas now.
The wedding chapels can give you a quick marriage, and now there are some that can give you a quick and easy divorce as well. Reports say that couples get married one day and divorced the next.
Society has killed the idea of marriage and replaced it with the acceptance of divorce. Listen to what John Stott says. He writes, “Here is a quotation from John Adam and Nancy Williamson Adam: “letting go of your marriage, if it is no longer a good one, can be the most successful thing you have ever done. Getting a divorce can be a positive, problem-solving, growth-oriented step. It can be a personal triumph.” Stott says this about that quote, “Here is the secular mind in all its shameless perversity. It celebrates failure as success, disintegration as growth, and disaster as triumph.”
We live in a society that views divorce in that bad of a way.
You see, when two people marry, they become one. We say, “Oh, what lovely symbolism.” But God says, “No… what a lovely reality.” Two people become one. This is a reality. God creates one new being out of the two.
Now, if this is hard for you to see, I want you to think about how your life began. God took chromosomes from your father’s body and chromosomes from your mother’s body and made a new being. This is what happens physically. And the same thing happens spiritually. God takes two people and He makes a new being… a married couple.
Some may ask, “Is there a time when divorce is okay?” The answer is “NO.” It may be justifiable, it may be necessary, but it is never okay. God hates divorce, even in those rare instances where He permits it.
I remember watching a story not too long ago on the news about Aaron Ralston’s story of survival from a year ago? Aaron Ralston loves the outdoors, hiking and climbing in the mountains. Last May he was hiking alone when a boulder fell and pinned him by the arm. For 5 days he waited for rescue, but nobody knew where he was. Then, facing dehydration and death, he made an incredible decision. He took a pocketknife and he slowly amputated his own arm, freeing him and allowing him to hike out to safety.
Now, Let me ask you, “What would it take to come to a decision like that? How desperate would you have to be to cut off a your own arm? Would you turn to that solution quickly, or would you first explore every other possibility?”
Only when faced with death would a man do such a thing. Well, it should be the same way when it comes to divorce. It is a desperate act, a self-mutilation. It is the amputation of a part of your self. We should resort to it only in extreme circumstances.
Have any of you seen the Staples commercials now that show someone in a difficult situation, and then they hit the Easy button. They have a hard test, and they don’t know the answer, so they hit that easy button and the test becomes easy. Well, too often that is how our society treats divorce as well. We use it as the easy button. It is easier to get a divorce than to work things out.
During the Iraq-Iran war in the 1980’s, the Iraqi Air Force was equipped with the MiG-29, one of the most advanced planes of all time. Yet they suffered an incredibly high rate of loss of these planes, even when facing the opposing forces that had inferior equipment. The makers of the MiGs studied the situation, and they discovered the following. These planes were equipped with an alarm that warned a pilot whenever a guided missile had locked onto their plane. The alarm was designed to allow the pilot to take evasive measures, which were successful more often than not. But the Iraqi pilots had a different reaction when that alarm went off. They immediately hit the eject button! They saved themselves, but lost their planes for no reason.
Are we hitting the eject button when we should be trying to save our marriages? Has it become to easy for us to bail out when we should be trying to fly higher? Why is it that at one time over 90% of our marriages held together, but today more than half end in divorce? I think it is because of that easy button that society has given us as a wait to bail out.
Now there is another interesting study that has been done. We already know that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. Well, guess what? The number of marriages that end in divorce of children from divorced families is even higher. Over 70% of children from divorced families have at least one marriage of their own end in the same way.
Albert Einstein once gave this definition of insanity: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Look at our church.
Look at our families. Is this what we want? Do we want our youth to have the same type of marriages? If not, we’ve got to do something different.
We have to break the cycle. Painful as it is, we have to admit that we are wrong, that we have not looked at marriage the way that God looks at marriage. We have to teach our young people that God’s people are different from the world, that our marriages are for life.
We’ve got to break the cycle. We’ve talked enough about the “exceptions” and “in the case ofs” and the “what about whens.” It’s time to teach one clear message on divorce: God hates divorce. Someone once said, “divorce lingers forever with children.” We’ve got to say, “We’re sorry. We were very wrong.” We’ve got to teach our children that divorce is not what God desires of our marriages. We’ve got to stand up and teach that lesson, even if it’s something that hits home with us or if it is painful for some. We’ve got to break the cycle. We’ve got to tell the truth. God hates divorce.
A minister speaks of a lesson that he once learned. He says, “I learned a great life lesson once from a scraggly college kid whose name I don’t even know. I was 8 or 9 years old and was taking swimming lessons from the Red Cross. The day came for our swim test to pass from Advanced Beginners to Intermediate, and we each took our turn trying to do the different exercises on our way across the pool and back.
Each person before me had tried and failed. One girl had made it to the other side and started back, but that was as far as she got. My turn came, and I started out, waiting to reach that moment when I too would admit failure. At one point, I felt the familiar burning sensation of water filling my nose, and I stopped and grabbed the side of the pool. This young man towered over me as I looked up from the water and screamed, “Why did you stop?” I gave him the obvious answer, “I got water in my nose.”
It was at that time that he then uttered the one word that I will never forget: “So?” That’s when I realized that I didn’t have to stop, I had merely chosen to stop. I learned that many times finishing something is merely about “stick-to-it ness.” As you can probably guess, on my next try I was the first one in the group to pass the test. And, not surprisingly, several others in the class passed that test after that.”
Now what does that have to do with marriage and divorce? I think we need to question our reasons and motives for giving up on a marriage. Are we giving up to quickly? Have we lost our “stick-to-it ness.” Whatever the question is, we need to do all that we can to keep marriages together.
As I have already said, God hates divorce, but he loves divorced people. And as children of God, as imitators of Christ, we should love them too.
Statistics have proven that divorced people do not feel welcomed in church. As we strive to be imitators of Christ we see that this is not the attitude that Jesus had to the divorced. In John 4:16-26 it says, “2”
Here in John’s gospel we learn of an encounter that Jesus had with a woman that was probably a five-time failure at marriage. Jesus did not ignore the past with her, but neither did he allow it to determine her future. Jesus taught her in the same way that He taught even His own disciples. He hated the divorce, but He still loved the divorced people.
For those of you who have dealt with divorce first hand either with yourself or with family members, you need to hear this. Do not let anyone convince you that you are useless in God’s Kingdom or that you are less of a Christian. Know this also, that God still loves you and He wants to use you for His will.
God hates divorce, but does not hate the divorced.
Gene Appel, a Pastor at Willow Creek, is divorced. His wife left him several years ago for another man, and try as he might he could not recover his marriage. Now, he deals with a broken heart and he suggests a couple things for us to do to show acceptance to those who have gone through divorce
First, Don’t ignore the person. You may not know what to say or do but don’t pretend that nothing has happened. Take them by the hand, look them in the eye and say, "I don’t know all that’s going on in your life but I want you to know I love you and will stand with you."
Second, Understand their loneliness. Understand that the Church is one of the hardest places for a divorced person to be. Everywhere you are reminded of family. Sometimes when they see fathers and sons or mates holding hands they just want to die inside. So try to understand the loneliness that they are going through.
Thirdly, Extend Yourself to the Person. I know, sometimes it is hard to know what to say, or what to do. But most people who are really hurting just need to know someone cares. So, give them a call or write them a card. Just to say, “I love you, if you need me I’m here for you.”
And Fourthly, Exercise the golden rule. Simply think, "How would I want to be treated if that had happened to me?" And then confidently give of yourself to them. Ezekiel said, "I have sat where they sat."
Now people who have not been divorced can’t say that but they can imagine the pain and live the golden rule out. Some don’t need forgiveness from others they just need acceptance.
Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in Major league baseball. But being the first black player, every where he went he heard racial slurs and was harassed. One day in Brooklyn, his home field, he made a critical error that may have cost the Dodgers the game. At that time even his own fans began to boo and shout horrible things. Jackie Robinson stood at second base all alone, the object of ridicule.
Then Pee Wee Reese, a white shortstop walked over to him, stood beside him for a second and then put his arm around him. The crowd hushed. Later Jackie Robinson said, "That arm around my shoulder may have saved my career."
There are some people in our churches today who have made some critical mistakes and they feel the object of guilt, they too need to have someone put their arm around them as well. The greatest news is that no matter what your sin, there is One who died to make you free of sin. And He says in Matthew 11:28 in the message translation, “Are you burdened? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live fully.”
In closing, Henry Ford was asked at his 50th wedding anniversary what his secret was to a long marriage. To that he said, “The same as in the automobile industry, just stick to one model.” I hope that we can follow that advice. Let us look at what Jesus had to say about marriage and divorce. In Matthew 19:3-8 Jesus says one more thing that I would like to look at today. Here in Matthew 19:3-8 Jesus says, “3”
Let’s quit looking at the exceptions and except the facts, God hates divorce, but He does still loves those who have been divorced! |
